Repentence

I used to create….

I would stack stones creating little mounds and call them mountains.

I would alter the water ways from their natural courses

Cutting roads into sand that crumbled the minute I turned

I built cities without foundation

Gluing stones to dust

I used knowledge and wisdom to build terrific towers that I would never climb.

Because I was holding up the walls with my bare hands.

I applied all my learning to the dedication of changing everything that surrounded me.

When I stepped back, to view my works,

All my investments crumbled before my eyes

The waters returned

The stacked stones became symbolic of my powerlessness

The cities returned to the ground as their dust rose in the air

A wasteland lay before me

And My heart …. burned

As I cast my eye’s over ruin

Confusion carelessly galloped at me, running me down.

As the light was dimmed by the dust that cascaded around me

It laughed callously at my humiliation

My purpose was vanquished

My heart despaired

And seething rage precociously infused every one of my cells

I stared vacantly at the scarred lands

The damage

And the worthlessness of my endeavours

“How have you come to this?”

A voiced whispered at me

“I don’t know.”

I said to nobody

“What was the purpose?”

“I don’t know.”

The silence echoed loudly

I belong in darkness I said to myself

and so I cast myself into it

Darkness and solitude my only ambition

I found the deepest cave

And buried myself like the dead

In it, I stripped myself naked

and I raged

Scratching at the walls of the caverns

The madness I had been hiding released itself

Demons circled me in the darkness

I learned their names

because they called me friend

I beat the Earth until I was breathless and soaked in my own blood

Rivers of lava spewed from me as if from the very depths of hell

I screamed at the gods

I cast blame at the land for not being what I needed

There, I recklessly said everything I felt

The hopelessness

The anger and the despair

Until I lay empty upon the sullied mud that was saturated with my every grievance

and for the first time

I remembered the land

I remembered the way it did not protest my constructions

I remembered how beautiful it was when I first laid eyes upon it

I remembered how I had cut into it

How I suffocated it

How I kept trying to change it for the ‘better’

How it allowed me to silently pursue my ambitions

and how it simply existed as it always had

How it returned itself to its original state once I released it

How I had raged over it

Clarity firmly took his seat

As I considere the land and my relationship to it

I had longed for perfection

I thought I was creating it, as I forced it to become less than what it already was!

I had sought perfection in myself,

Believing everything was less than.

I had tried to create it around me

The deceit of my own heart spoke to me in the darkness

It whispered to me like Lucifer to Eve

“Fullfillment is found when you change everything you can, because it is not good enough”

But Truth also spoke,

“Fullfillment is found when you know who you are, and you release everything else to exist freely just as you are free.”

I had been execrated

The Truth sunk deeply into my sinew and bones

I was a monster

I had ravaged the land

Trying to alter it to my vicious will

I was the torturer

…..and I had relished it

I dared not speak

I could barely breathe

My crimes had been revealed

My abuse of the land

My hostility,

My lack of remorse

My lack of empathy

I was the psychopath

Insight washed over me

As I lay in my own filth

In the darkness

I started to remember the light

As my disillusionment began to clear

I saw how lovingly the Earth had held me

Protected me

The walls that I had brutalised stood firm against me

Allowing me to pursue my own darkness.

Gratitude welled

And I wept

Tears washed the filth from my naked skin

I let them drop heavily to the earthen floor

As I waved the white flag

I gave them abundantly

I hoped desperately that the Land still held hope and forgiveness for me

Tentatively I emerged

Seeing it correctly for the first time

I saw it’s perfection

I praised it

I saw how perfectly I was made for it and it for me.

I need only care for it.

and it would be abundant

And I would find fulfilment.

…. at Last.

Frightening

Hitting hard and hitting heavy

Suddenly realising

You were not ready

Terrifying knowing the aptitude for scheming

There is no trusting

Despite the yearning

He’ll be back the Spirits keep warning

I”ll be safer and better for it

But nothing stops it frothing forward

I’ll never stop

or

Ever return to it

It scares me proper

The intelligence

The cunning

I will never settle for it

So why is it hurting

Catching my throat

Stopping me breathing

but….

Who are you really?

Without controlling or using or cheating…..

Masquerades and The Power

Lay the crimson carpet before the golden slippered toe

Bow wretchedly before every step

Ring the bells and burn the incense

Drape garlands lavishly around fattened necks

As thickened lips wet with delicacies,

Feign sorrow for beggars that push and scramble for crumbs brushed from the plushest of robes while abundance is poured down already slick throats

Urchins perform to catch the eye

Endlessly flattering with hungry tongues that water jealously

As false benevolences are offered instead of sustenance and shelter

Everyone joins in

The worshipped and the worshippers

None realising that they are their own government

Easily able to overthrow

Questioning has not been honoured

The Emperors fiercely defend their positions flocking together like gulls by the seashore ready with cruel put downs and subtle dishings of manipulation

Beggars accept it

As they choose to remain hidden from their own power

Their education is stolen ……or has it been abandoned?

Ignorance holds them bondage to rotten schemers and vagabonds who dress themselves in robes of altruism as they eat from riches gained from hedonism and ego

Facading marries the two

Ignorance and Egotism stand united in wedded bliss…..

But one stands to the side and observes the procession

What would happen should he be neither?

He knows.

Standing tall.

Silent

Insight planting his feet firmly

Sensing there is something greater

A voice whispers gently

Who are you really?

Without hesitation

His feet turn and a new path opens before him the street sign reads ‘opportunity’

The path is called ’empowerment’

Determinations?

Not yet.

But hunger and questions…

Yes.

Tragic

I am your sloppy doe eyed puppy

Making everybody cringe

I am howling when you are not near

Listless and waiting by the door

Proudly walking beside you

Skipping with excitement every time you return

Let me jump into your arms

And kiss your face

I am yours

Simply say the words

And I will recklessly abandon and ignore

Any other who calls my name

Disconnected

Pain compels

Driving actions

Whipping wild horses to corals that bind and bring untimely death

Blockages cause arrhythmia’s and disease

They scream off the monitors to Professionals and their clientele

PURGE!

CLEANSE!

UNBLOCK!

We are all deaf.

Psychopathic to our own bodies and emotions

We resolve to ignore ourselves further

…because we don’t believe

Our idealism killing our own existence

How can we hear each other when we ignore the true self?

I shake my head at my own ignorance and beg for forgiveness of my own Soul

I am sorry

Speak…

I am listening.