We don’t always shine at our best. It takes practice and self belief before we feel comfortable being us and challenging anyone who says otherwise. It’s ok to sputter and spurt before you become a blazing fire. Be kind to yourself, especially when the darkness feels overwhelming. You are valuable to this world as you are. You are the only one who can shine the way you do.
I wander around the grounds of palaces and scuttle through the alley’s and the gutters of the shanty towns
I am seen on every corner and on every stage
Thousands remember my face my charm my talent
I am flocked by the masses…..
But in the quiet and the silence at beginning or the end of the show
No one see’s who really sits behind the mask of the performer as he sadly wishes for a single one to love him when he sits there alone, silent and invisible in the darkened wings of the stage and before he emerges from the dressing room.
In case you can’t read my terrible writing and poor spelling lol….
Change is in the wind
As I stand in the Court of the Masses
As slander and graffiti are written on me from my head to my toe
I stand as the wretched
As I am raised by ropes that elevate me above their heads
To sway gently in the breeze and the hot breath of those who hate without cause and without reason.
But the rains come and it falls on everyone who stands in the open Court
As it washes me clean, so that I am seen more beautiful and higher than any person with hate in their heart ever imagined.
And my eyes can see the dawning of light from that hight, whilst shadows are cast by the masses, that slowly dissipate, as they too see the dawn coming…..and the light also
I had a conversation with my cousin on the 30th January this year (2021 for future readers), It was a deeply significant conversation for me. It will mark the beginning of change for me. It is hard for me to explain some of the things that have happened in my past. I literally can’t speak it. My throat closes and I cannot talk.
The conversation was the first and only acknowledgement of the injustice that I received from within my family, by a family member.
I will never forget that he did that.
As we were talking, I started painting (it’s been years since I have), this is what I painted.
It is unfinished, the foetus is still forming, I visualised other images to place in it at the time. But this was the end of what I was meant to do on it for now.
Today the same cousin posted the word ‘Justice’ on his FB page. It wasn’t about me. But, suddenly more messages and images came flooding in, along with the memory of this image.
A Brooke Fraser song came on my iTunes at random, Flags, (I hope you take the time to listen to it) and the story started to become clearer.
Sometimes the path to justice is about screaming and pushing back against injustice. Sometimes it’s patiently waiting for others around you to see the truth on their own, in their own time. We have to release those we love, to let Spirit guide them to it. Either way, Justice is here.
I keep seeing a dry riverbed with a trickle of water, that quickly becomes a very fast and and massive volume of water that arrives in a sudden almost violent wave.
Water is finally here for the thirsty.
Get ready to drink.
The day I posted this, after I had posted it, I went to my local hardware store (Bunnings Australia…my favourite place), on returning, I caught my neighbour doing something that has created tension between us. I confronted him directly, to his face EVERYTHING that he has done!!
This is not what I would have normally done. But I realised that this was a lesson that Spirit has been trying to teach me many many times. In the past I really suffered with a closed throat Chakra. I was never able to speak up at the right time, I’d go blank, I couldn’t think straight and I couldn’t defend myself in the moment. The things I should have said would come to me about 2 days later, and I would be so upset and mad that I didn’t say it. The moment would pass and I would be left feeling powerless and trapped in unjust situations.
Yesterday afternoon, I finally had a win. This mature big family man resorted to a childish tactic by saying to me…“I can’t hear you, can you speak up.”, repetitively whilst looking at me and smiling, he could very clearly hear me and was trying to throw me off. I suddenly realised that I had been given the upper hand and I took the opportunity to say everything I had wanted to say.. (in the past I wouldn’t have dared do so), he had literally just given me the floor, he had to stay silent so he didn’t look like he was faking it, so I sat on the ground whilst he continued doing what he was doing, and I said everything.
I am not an aggressive person. But one of the cycles that Spirit keeps bringing me, is about standing up for myself, owning my space, owning my rights, and not only standing my ground but also learning to push back when it is needed. To openly challenge when challenged. Not caving when others use intimidation tactics and manipulations against me.
Afterwards, he simply walked away without a word, and I went inside and of course meditated on what had happened and I received a heap of positive affirming statements.
Sometimes we have to bring the justice. We are the justice. We are the Judges. We are the court.
We have to play every role in order to see with wisdom and empathy.
Although, I was confronting and I felt in that moment, that I was the aggressor, the words needed to be said, the impact needed to be made. I detest having to do this, I would prefer other more passive and kinder alternatives, but sometimes after you’ve exhausted those alternatives, you are left with no other choice. Stamping your foot and raising your voice cannot not be avoided.
We can be Victims that remain in a Victim cycle or we can be Victims who learn and stop those toxic cycles, so we can be true to who we are and what our purpose is.
Who are you and what is your purpose?
What keeps on happening to you to prevent you from standing in your authenticity and the work that you really want to do…are meant to do?