Reset

Tracing it back step by step,

Looking over my shoulder

I see the path that I have already tread

Staring down into the staircase of my mind

The blindness and the darkness that had caressed and guided me

Today I stand atop the heights

To look down with enlightenment

With sorrow

With sadness

With grief

The journey has been arduous

Painful

And the dangers that were before me …

I took hold of the hands that were held out

I called them dear to me

But they were the monsters that I couldn’t see because of my blindness and the darkness

Betrayal

Gas lighting

Lies

Deceit

Manipulation

Many who I held dear

Who held my hands to keep me blind

And to keep me hidden

Supressed

Controlled

They used words of charm and claimed their unconditional love towards me

And I gave them my love, whole heartedly and generously

But the deceit lay in their actions

The stones they threw

The arrows they shot

To deliberately trip and harm

To create loss

Fear

Conditioning

Competition

But no matter.

I have made may way upwards regardless

Guided by an inner knowing despite the obstructions

Despite the lies

The tormentors …. with their lying tongues

They warmed my heart

They gave me connection …for a short time

But they always left me in the cold

Supported my losses

And abandoned me in my success

Tearing my wins down with minimisations and cruel put downs

Discouraging my starts

Selling me lies and false encouragements

Positive toxicity and subtle messages of competition

Refusing words of affection

Threats in unguarded moments

Waiting for opportunity in my vulnerable times

Sharing smiles that held snarling teeth and menacing eyes

Wiht viscous snarling jokes…always at my expense

But it is not my right to cast blame nor judgement

I received what I believed

The Divine said “yes”, to what I believed was my worth

And he gave generously and abundantly

Despair

Less

Lack

Loss

Betrayal… yes deep betrayals

Lies

Theft

This is what I asked for and that was indeed my blessing

Yes it has been abundant.

So the Mountain is revealing me

And I feel anger

Pain

Loss

Lack

Grief

I received my lot and my worth.

So thank you darkness

Thank you Monsters

Thank you for the pain

Thank you for the betrayal

I am reeling in my own grief

Sorrow for my own error

As I look now to the Heavens for answers

They simply said “yes”.

Yes to what I believed I was worth

So now I shall sit atop of the mountain

Alone

To reset

Determine a new outcome

A new design

Discovery

Determination

A new guideline

A new book

Love

Connection

Truth

Authenticity

Courage

Confidence

Clarity

Spirituality

Friendship

Care

Nutrition

Health

Beauty

Worth

Setting the bar high this time

With care and concern for the outcome

Leaving the old and the scars

The PTSD

The trauma

I shall receive good things

Because I am learning my place

My potential

My value

My Worth

Wealth

Abundance

Pleasure

Luxury

Travel

Luck

Family

True Love

Because I will stand in my Authenticity

My power

My talents and giftings

I shall be seen

I shall be heard

Because I am a light that will shine in the darkest reaches

A phoenix and a wild thing that cannot be tamed

She is readying herself

She is coming

The dungeons and the cages have been released

Be watchful for you shall not miss her when she is revealed.

She is a light in the darkness and an army of strength

Watch for her

You will know her when she comes