The Confidence

I am smiling

Right now

This instance!

I cannot help it

It is to become my entire existence

My future…..smiling

Awaking with happiness instead of despair

(Work to remove shadows will always be, but that is easing)

It is getting easier and easier

The downward spiral of doubt

Negativity

Depression

Confusion

No longer has a majority vote

The tears are for sorrow and empathy for the self now

You did it!!

I did it!!

I made it.

Against all of the odds

I am winning

What a foreign experience… a strange experience

As I look around readying myself

Digging my feet in

Awaiting attack at any moment

But there is only silence

I listen to that silence

Waiting….

“Huh? this is new.” I think to myself

There are no balloons

There is no cheering or clinking of glasses in celebratory fashion

No dressing up or speeches made

But the silence speaks to me as a deafening roaring thunderous adulation

There is no one left to oppose me

At last I can cheer

Even if it’s only for myself

By myself

I am loud inside

I didn’t perceive my own strength or even the battle

Until the silence

Suddenly my existence is not being extinguished

The fire can roar…as it should

It is warming the damp cold house

It is bringing light to windows

Delightful foods can be cooked over it- anything she desires

The battle revealed her strength and her stamina

The guns and the cannons are no longer firing

The enemy has given up as a hopeless and fruitless battle…they will try elsewhere against weaker countries

They will never try again here though, they know better.

So what to do once she is fed?

She looks out the window at the unplowed fields

The neglected harvests

Some things can be salvaged

But in comparison to the battles just waged….farming and investing into the land is a simple almost menial task….but a task that is also delightful.

It is a calming, joyful thing to delight in the rewards of your own labour.

And so she smiles again

Imagining the future

Delighting in the present

Treasuring every mouthful, it’s simplicity and the silence

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.