I am smiling
Right now
This instance!
I cannot help it
It is to become my entire existence
My future…..smiling
Awaking with happiness instead of despair
(Work to remove shadows will always be, but that is easing)
It is getting easier and easier
The downward spiral of doubt
Negativity
Depression
Confusion
No longer has a majority vote
The tears are for sorrow and empathy for the self now
You did it!!
I did it!!
I made it.
Against all of the odds
I am winning
What a foreign experience… a strange experience
As I look around readying myself
Digging my feet in
Awaiting attack at any moment
But there is only silence
I listen to that silence
Waiting….
“Huh? this is new.” I think to myself
There are no balloons
There is no cheering or clinking of glasses in celebratory fashion
No dressing up or speeches made
But the silence speaks to me as a deafening roaring thunderous adulation
There is no one left to oppose me
At last I can cheer
Even if it’s only for myself
By myself
I am loud inside
I didn’t perceive my own strength or even the battle
Until the silence
Suddenly my existence is not being extinguished
The fire can roar…as it should
It is warming the damp cold house
It is bringing light to windows
Delightful foods can be cooked over it- anything she desires
The battle revealed her strength and her stamina
The guns and the cannons are no longer firing
The enemy has given up as a hopeless and fruitless battle…they will try elsewhere against weaker countries
They will never try again here though, they know better.
So what to do once she is fed?
She looks out the window at the unplowed fields
The neglected harvests
Some things can be salvaged
But in comparison to the battles just waged….farming and investing into the land is a simple almost menial task….but a task that is also delightful.
It is a calming, joyful thing to delight in the rewards of your own labour.
And so she smiles again
Imagining the future
Delighting in the present
Treasuring every mouthful, it’s simplicity and the silence
