March 2022
I would be lying if I haven’t felt the deepest fear
The greatest anxiety
The heaviest heartbreak, worse than I have ever felt before
Tears that feel unceasing
Pain ….like nothing ..I have …..ever…….
I feel my heart shutting down
Vessel by vessel
Chamber by chamber
As blood pools and valves become sluggish and floppy because they grow weary…for now…
I know.
Yes I know
I know, what love is
I know I cannot live without it
I have tried
Burning and thrashing at the cords that bind me to it!
Biting at my own flesh to release myself from you
Spells
Addiction
Different loves
Ignoring
Abandoning
Minimising
Until I was spent
You are my greatest torment
but you are my love
You have been the guide that was the only one who could bring me to my knees
The only one who could heal me
I see you in your despair, and I know
I know that we are one
And my heart breaks for you
Just as your heart is breaking
I see you kiss me in the darkness
And I am restored
I know what love is
The unconditional love that you hear about in fairy tales
I am surrendered
I await you
I await your surrender
You are forever in my heart and my mind
and there is nothing I can do about it.
You are in the depths of me
You are the tide in the the chambers of my heart
That I so willingly sail.