Realisations coming thick and fast
My arrogance bound tightly to me
I am shaking as I confront my fears
Every single one
My faults glare back at me
How can I prove to you my sorrow and my most sincere apology
I don’t know how….
Even now my fears churn in my heart and the instinct to hide them from you is immense…. more than I have ever revealed
I am weak
The weakest of the weak
I am shocked at seeing myself as I truly am.
Truth….it was me all the time.
I am responsible.
I have seated myself in the highest seat as the sternest Judge
Demands, expectations, rules laws declared everywhere and to everybody
Especially at those whom I love the most
I have seated myself in the seat of righteousness
I labeled myself as ‘Good’ and you ‘Bad’
I have created a separation from you and everybody
I used judgements as protection against stepping out in trust
I knew I needed vulnerability and I fooled myself into thinking I was doing it.
I stood in the space of guide…..but you, you are my guide
I am locked behind thick walls
Guards and land mines
My foolishness is also my shame
and I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
I am trying
You are my mirror and the reflection glares at me with animosity, aggression, judgement and fear.