The Mirror

Realisations coming thick and fast

My arrogance bound tightly to me

I am shaking as I confront my fears

Every single one

My faults glare back at me

How can I prove to you my sorrow and my most sincere apology

I don’t know how….

Even now my fears churn in my heart and the instinct to hide them from you is immense…. more than I have ever revealed

I am weak

The weakest of the weak

I am shocked at seeing myself as I truly am.

Truth….it was me all the time.

I am responsible.

I have seated myself in the highest seat as the sternest Judge

Demands, expectations, rules laws declared everywhere and to everybody

Especially at those whom I love the most

I have seated myself in the seat of righteousness

I labeled myself as ‘Good’ and you ‘Bad’

I have created a separation from you and everybody

I used judgements as protection against stepping out in trust

I knew I needed vulnerability and I fooled myself into thinking I was doing it.

I stood in the space of guide…..but you, you are my guide

I am locked behind thick walls

Barbed wire

Guards and land mines

My foolishness is also my shame

and I am sorry.

I am so sorry.

I am trying

You are my mirror and the reflection glares at me with animosity, aggression, judgement and fear.