Until Death

March 2022

I would be lying if I haven’t felt the deepest fear

The greatest anxiety

The heaviest heartbreak, worse than I have ever felt before

Tears that feel unceasing

Pain ….like nothing ..I have …..ever…….

I feel my heart shutting down

Vessel by vessel

Chamber by chamber

As blood pools and valves become sluggish and floppy because they grow weary…for now…

I know.

Yes I know

I know, what love is

I know I cannot live without it

I have tried

Burning and thrashing at the cords that bind me to it!

Biting at my own flesh to release myself from you

Spells

Addiction

Different loves

Ignoring

Abandoning

Minimising

Until I was spent

You are my greatest torment

but you are my love

You have been the guide that was the only one who could bring me to my knees

The only one who could heal me

I see you in your despair, and I know

I know that we are one

And my heart breaks for you

Just as your heart is breaking

I see you kiss me in the darkness

And I am restored

I know what love is

The unconditional love that you hear about in fairy tales

I am surrendered

I await you

I await your surrender

You are forever in my heart and my mind

and there is nothing I can do about it.

You are in the depths of me

You are the tide in the the chambers of my heart

That I so willingly sail.