The Words

In the beginning…

The word…..

……….

Words need only be breathed out barely touching the tongue

Softly spoken, gently delivered

They carry your intentions and the power of the negative or the positive

Sometimes they appear prophetic when others see them come to completion

But in fact it is co-creation and manifestation

Sometimes those manifestations are delayed.

All co-creation with Spirit is granted

Intentions

Desires

Good and bad

As you breathe out your wishes and speak them clearly

All comes to life

It is the butterfly effect

The storms occur from wishes and desires that we pray for (whether we understand or not)

They come to help us remove what does not align with your wishes

They always bring transformation

And they often rock you when you are not prepared to receive them

So Spirit warns

All things come to life

Speak carefully

Speak with understanding and intention

Speak with awareness of karmic scales

Hope for good things

Hope and wish for healing upon yourself and everybody else

Be ready with expectation confidence and happiness

Be ready to release everything that does not align.

Be ready to release everything that does not align with your wishes

Be ready.

Shadows and The Breath

She walks the stage

Behind the curtain

A memory flash

The first time she stood there

The shaking

The sickliness

The dampness that beaded

Remembering every discomfort and every fear

She wanted to run and give up on it

Fear of the masses engulfing

Their animosity

Their doubt and their disbelief.

Wafted to her from every corner

She had the talent

But her belief was wavering

Her future self spoke with her that day

And told her it’s worth it in the end

So stand where you must

Take a deep breath as you stand before the crowd who know you not

Be ready to stand and prove yourself worthy of the spotlight and the stage

The preparation was made

The skills were honed

She tells the crew to keep the curtains closed

Turn off the lights

The crowd cry out in surprise

As they quickly take their seats

Excited and nervous also

Taking a deep breath making sure that the crowd can hear it

They quieten and face the dark stage taking their seats

They don’t want to miss it

Another breath and a single note

She feels herself relax

She is in control

She will make the crowd not doubt

She is worthy of the stage

The spotlight

And the applause

But she remembers the audience then

She hears a cough and the restlessness of the masses

The creaking of seats

The occasional yawn

And the doubt that stirs in their faithless hearts

The fickleness of their love

The Star owns the audience when she does not doubt who she is

The Star sings in the darkness and the audience do not need to see to believe or know that talent and beauty is in the shadows and the light illuminates only a shell

The Star’s future lasts, so long as, the first note, is pure, strong and beautiful to hear.

The Spotlight adds a simple small token to the beauty that lies within

In the knowledge of this

She stands forward as a veteran

But never forgetting, the fickleness of the masses

Their ability to turn should she doubt herself for even a second

Her goal is not to please them anymore

Her goal is to please herself first

To find satisfaction and joy in her talent

The masses are of little or no consequence to The Star or her purpose.

She will sing anyway

Acknowledgement is her due

But her joy is her own regardless.

The music begins as does her joy

She smiles to herself enjoying the stage and the delight in her own creations and simply being.

The Victim of the Narcissist-The voice within.

Maybe not all of these are how you feel, maybe not yet, maybe you already feel all of them. Narcissistic abuse is real. Love does not ask you to give anything of yourself up. It encourages you to be greater and better, it doesn’t fear you. It doesn’t fear you being happy, free, successful, beautiful/handsome. It is happy for you. The scary thing about this type of abuse, is that one minute you are feeling on top of the world and the next, you feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. Gaslighting is real. When someones says your feelings are wrong. Be careful. The trick to climbing out of theses relationships is to listen your inner voice. Beware of shame and guilt, that could be lavished upon you by the Perp. Crocodile tears and constantly displaying themselves as the victim, never truly apologising, never actually accepting responsibility.

Don’t argue, Don’t waste your energy, just seek help from professionals. Often if you have one serious narcissist, it’s likely you could have a few around you. If you feel you should leave, or you feel like things are unjust…then they probably are. Don’t doubt yourself or your intuition.

You matter

Your feelings matter

You Deserve Love and happiness and peace

You are enough

You are worthy.

Abuse checklist link below

I give you myself

I give myself up for you to be your greatest self

I give up my power- tell me what I should be and what I should do

Forgive me for selfishly caring for myself, I shall care for you and you alone

I remove all of myself and replace it with you

I give up my success for you

I give up my talents

I give up my luck

I lay myself upon the alter so you can sacrifice me

So you can feel love

So you can feel power

So you can feel success

I shall be naked so you don’t have to feel your shame or your guilt

I bow before you

I exalt you to the highest of power and adorn you with gold and crowns and precious jewels

I reduce myself so that you remain exalted because you deserve it

I am hungry for the crumbs you sweep from your table as you tell me how generous you are, Thank you for honouring me even this much, I am not deserving

I hope to prove myself worthy of you one day, I am sure it will all be worth it in the end, this is an investment after all

I bow my head whilst crowning yours

Careful not to make any mistake nor look you in the eye the wrong way

Your eye’s I see as beautiful, but the fire they hold…

Lightening flashes behind them

I’ve learnt not to test nor to even ask or speak any wrong words

I’ll appease you so I don’t burn

You exhale smoke at all my many inadequacies

Little sighs no one else notices

Little glances only I know what they mean

My heart quickens each time

I search for small windows that I might see the light

But they are boarded up

The doors are locked

The money is gone

I must beg for the air I breath and the sustenance I need.

The Present

The Thirst

A gentle rain softly coats the earth

Steady

Not a breath of wind

The grass and the flowers lift their heads to drink it in

You can almost see them stand taller lifting stems higher

If they had feet you could imagine them standing on their tippy toes like thousands of little ballerina’s standing in the fifth position en Pointe

It is a beautiful scene

The rain is as gentle as the tears that escape, little is holding them in check

They release the pent up energy from deep wells that remain hidden from the sky and the sun

They are a source of sustenance wishing for release

Wishing to explode upon the Earth

To see it

To feed it

To be a part of it

For now, even though the waters are building as does the momentum

They are not ready to be fully released

But the time is coming

When the rain and the hidden waters can merge together

Feeding the Earth and all the living creatures that thirst terribly

And who feast upon each other because of famine and drought

Water is coming my friends

The wells are deep and abundant and satisfying

It shall not be much longer

The Wind and the Chaff Part 1

No trumpets were blown this day….

The ladies of the house whispered excitedly to each other

The house maidens slowed their work pretending to be busy polishing the already gleaming silver

They set themselves diligently to sweep the already spotless floors with a quietness that betrayed their normal character

Extra care was taken to clean the corners that would normally be ignored

Even the mice sat quietly by their peep holes

With trembling noses and whiskers

The air was full of slander

Sly eyes wickedly shared knowing glances

The wicked could feel victory in the air

The moment had presented itself perfectly

It was as if lady luck had finally shone upon them

Evil excitement brought a skip to their step

The schemers who didn’t know they shared grievances

Saw connections between each other and bonded immediately

Callous laughter rang too loudly

Carried spite into the air

Overconfident, sharp and sneering

It skipped through gardens and stables

It bounced through courtyards and hallways

Jealousy had found it’s confidence at last

It always delighted in the pain of others

And hated others to delight

Today Jealousy began to reveal itself

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Many courtiers and the fine people in society , with whom held rank

Smiled toothless smiles that hid venomous teeth

They opened their arms to the Prince

Wined him and Dined him

They hid their scaly skins beneath lush rich cloaks

He therefore bestowed his love

His trust

His loyalty and his abundance upon them

But they had no love for Him

Their intent was to fill their own coffers

Eat from his table

Drink his wine

And enjoy his abundance

They gently curled themselves around him

Making him feel warm and protected

But they secretly relied on his youth, his fervour and his innocence to trick, confuse and suppress

They were snakily using his talents to their advantage

They saw him clearly as prey

Feigning protection

As they devoured the abundance he brought to their gaping mouths

He was the bait for their own terrible traps

And they gorged themselves on what he brought to them

They relied on his innocence and his desire to be loved

Using it as a weapon against him

They used their false care and their false offer of love and guidance as bait to keep him loyal and near.

They also used themselves as bait, enticing him with treats and a little bit of what he wanted and needed but careful never to leave him fulfilled. He was always left just a little unsatisfied and a little bit lacking. It made him want more, always needing more.

He was blinded by their warmth and the excitement he felt when he was with them

Trusting them as genuine

They made themselves appear sincere (Few could perceive otherwise such was their ability to hide their true skins, this was indeed a different type of magic that they possessed..a dark magic)

He didn’t see the threats that were all around him nor the coils that threatened and slowly tightened

They saw his power and the magic he held

They knew they had to keep him carefully controlled or else he would learn who he was.

They whispered love and nuture in his ear

But spat curses under their breath

Snarling and breathing fire from their bellies

Wishing for his death and praying for his downfall.

But the Prince had wisdom and magic that was being awoken from within him

He had Magic that was his destiny

And the Kingdom was his birthright

Today, the release of sensitive information about the Prince was released

It was deliberate and scandalous how it was slipped to select people whom spread this information to every corner of the Kingdom

His destruction was desired

His connections and his power and his magic envied

The false people saw he was growing and gaining in everything

His light shone upon them

But it had revealed their shadows and their ugliness

They were reminded of the their scaley skins

And they had suddenly discovered everything they didn’t have

They also became aware of all the things they couldn’t do, and all the things they didn’t know

They felt his magic, that he innocently waved in their faces hoping they would be as happy for him as he was happy for himself.

But it had angered those that surrounded him

They felt their lack of Magic and their lack of inheritance.

It didn’t seem fair to them that one person could have so much talent

So much charm

So much elegance

So much happiness

So much Magic

And still be kind and good and generous

He also carried a lightness and innocence that they could not share in

They felt themselves drawn to him

Like a moth to a flame

They felt the sting of him as they burned themselves up every time he passed by

Yet they could not pull themselves away

They found themselves emulating him

Speaking like him

Mimicking his every move

They became shadows of the Prince

They felt it when he left them

They felt their blood turn cold again

They felt the emptiness that sat in their stomaches

It slowly dawned upon them their own limitations and the Magic they had seemed simple and basic

They knew they were not even a tenth of what he was.

As they lay in their beds at night

They found they could not sleep or rest

His light shone even in their dreams

They realised they couldn’t come up with the idea’s he had

They couldn’t find the wit he had

or the courage

The conviction or the luck or the passion

They questioned in their hearts how he managed to make everything look so easy

Behind closed doors they paced and examined His every move

He could open doors that no one else could

He created alliances with neighbouring countries that brought wealth and vast abundance

He could tame wild beasts

And even bring the rain to barren places

And they were able to reap also from this abundance

But the more abundance he created

The greater the pacing and restlessness and disturbance grew within the hearts of those he entrusted

As time past, their initial admiration became envy

They wished to see some kind of wrong with the Prince

The greater he became the worse they felt

The more he received

The more they felt they deserved….and the more they felt he did not.

Rage began to build in them

It became harder and harder to hide their snapping teeth and their ugliness

Their energy became more and more drained

Which made them even more and more angry

and so soon they began to test him

They set small traps at first

To see what he would do

And he overcame each time

Then they tested his magic

And he overcame

Surely they thought to themselves, there are lies and crimes that are hidden, surely it is deviousness and not magic at all.

And so the challenge was set

The Prince was given tasks and tests and games that He worked diligently through

He also found the magic he had although it still worked seemed to be weakened

He noticed he was becoming tired and the work was becoming harder

His friends supported him though

So he worked even harder

…..but so did his ‘friends’

The Rise and the Fall

Meteors crash

Creating devastation everywhere they touch

Nothing can stand

Dust is it’s wake

Fire is it’s champion

and carnage is it’s steed

Tsunamis appear upon the horizon

Rising deceptively in the distance

The strength and the power often leave bystanders off guard

As they perceive it somewhere in the distance

As a gentle thing that they could easily overcome

They are left unprepared

Their mouths fall open in shock as they realise they were carelessly watching their impending doom

The opportunity to flee was missed

The riches of the ocean floor seduced them as they lunged forward down the expanding beach

Greed and hunger blinding them to the great danger

Many had no belief in such events

But events do not care for belief

The waters always return

As the seduced are swept up into confusing heights

Tsunami’s leave corpses hung in trees

Dangling from power lines for carion to feast upon

Seduction for things that belong in the depths

Feeds the scavengers and birds of prey

Whilst onlookers in the mountains, scream and cry for their friends their families and their loved ones

There is nothing to be done

Everyone is judged that day

Only the self is held to account

For no one can excuse the warnings and the signs

Our decisions and consequences on days and events such as these are swiftly judged

The consequence is immediate

No excuse will be voiced by any one on this day

For it is clear and beyond any doubt

No second hearing or bail is found in this court

Our choices are revealed

And the outcomes are righteous

Death, His Love and the Hope

Death sits calmly by the side of the suffering

The emaciated and the weary

He waits patiently.

Never looking at the clock or stirring impatiently

He does not tap his foot

Or groan as he waits upon us

He arrives beside us exactly on time

He does not blow a trumpet or sound a horn.

He has never lost a battle

He rides slowly in with a flag he waits to hand to you

He knows you will accept it

It is the white flag of surrender

He hands it to you before he goes to harvest

Sometimes he dismounts and simply stands patiently over us

You cannot see a twinkling eye or loving smile

Because Death is meant to be cloaked

He is not to influence

He wants us to fight to the end

To have a great and abundant yield

Dear Death does more than usher you into the afterlife

He is also with the living

He has been the reaper of many harvests with you

Yes the living! Yes many harvests!

He is the usher of change

To those that are marked for greatness and ascension

He is the aid for their suffering

He helps the living die to things that do not serve them

We have many harvests in our lives

He stands beside you as you tremble in fear at the thought of change

And the fear of the unknown

Ready to hand you the flag of surrender, knowing you will accept it

He knows that greater things are in store for you.

He knows when the harvest is ripe

A harvest of wisdom that eases suffering

Soothes the mind

Fills the stomach and heals the wounds

He is the ender of things that do not serve you

Surrender is his offering

The Ender yes.

But also the Birther of the true self

The usher of New life

His purpose lingers in the air around us

Whispering…..

Surrender

Death

Harvest

“I am not Worthy!”

“Roll out the red carpet!”

“Prepare Ye the way for the Royal Pair” announces the Paige.

As they awkwardly and a little uncomfortably walk down it, in squeaky new shoes and crowns that slip occasionally from their heads

The Royal Joker interrupts the procession as he jumps over the royal carpet and yells to the crowd

“I AM NOT WORTHY!”

Laughter erupts from his Majesty

The Queen laughs at him and neither of them can contain giggles and smiles that truly disarm them from the seriousness of the occasion

They looked at each other and pull each other close

Smiling is so easy together

The crowd was immediately forgotten, the crowns, the ill fitting shoes and all the other distractions

And without any care or second thought

They strolled down the street

Holding hands like any normal couple

Not even hearing the fanfare and excitement that cheered them on

As they made their way

Never once questioning their Worth

But simply holding it in their hearts

And holding it in their hands

The Greatest Love

Nothing can alter

Deter

Block

Delay

Or

Corrupt

When I get the chance……which will still bring with it it’s own challenges

But with Devine intervention and guidance from Spirit

We will overcome

And no matter how long

Or what happens

I cannot remove myself

No matter how hard I have tried

(and believe me…I have tried)

My paining heart

Is never NEVER

Without love

Abundant love and desire for you

I am working tirelessly

And although occasionally

I fall to my knees because I am weakened

By deviousness that I do not foresee

I ALWAYS climb to my feet

The Empress…yes indeed

Has never given in

And shall never give up

The work feels continuous and laborious

But hear me now you who cast evil plots, incantations and spells

I AM NEVER CEASING!! HEAR ME DECREE THIS TO YOU WITH UTTER DEFIANCE!!!

I will win against you

And if you are drawn to read this

Evil schemers

or

My dearest Love

I shall pray without ceasing for you

I shall pray for you to heal from your envy

I pray for you to heal form your rage

I pray for you to heal from your fears

…and my Love

My heart is yours

It was from the beginning

It always will be

I am working tirelessly

Endlessly

I love you and everything that you are.

Nothing is forgotten.