Flood

I am afraid

Have I stirred the pot?

Broke what was on a wire?

Thin

Flooding a matchbox

Should have been a spark, a burning flame!

Things aren’t the same

Still …. it can’t be tamed

It pours out

Give me a flood plain!

A vessel readied

Unshackled and steady

Let me sail upon it, with nothing to stop it.

This is an expression of my frustration about relationships that are left unexpressed. Water in my writing is always allegorical for emotion. This poem reveals my insecurity at a time when I was deep in people pleasing mode. My fear was always saying or doing something wrong. Masking heavily with no awareness of it. This is a pure expression of how it felt. Always feeling like it was my fault. It was a time when living authentically wasn’t even a thought in my head. It reveals my trauma surrounding acceptance of the self. I had many wounds to work through here. I felt the constant fear of not being accepted and huge pent up need to express my love for others and have them love me back. I felt constantly rejected and deeply distressed by this.

The journey to self love and acceptance is arduous and frankly deeply confusing.

Truth is an essential concept to grapple with. Coming to the truth about my childhood was deeply disturbing. I discovered dark things that made me realise why I felt the way I did. It all began to make sense. But it was also profoundly lonely. I began to accept myself once I could start to accept the truth of my own trauma. It was the beginning of the shift of my perception. This journey led me to develop very strong boundaries and the challenge was to discover and remove toxic beliefs and also toxic people. This has been my greatest triumph.

Our frustrations are of utmost importance to listen to. Take the time to really listen to what they are telling you.